and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
