If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
