My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I understand Curling. That high.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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