Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
