Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
