listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
