Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
