so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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