lets start a swedish sibling band together
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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