guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
