I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
