I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
