our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
