His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
