i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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