be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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