You just made me feel so damn special
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
