I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
