I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
