His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
