If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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