Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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