Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
