Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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