You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
