If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
