I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
