omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
