Umm I'm too high to move.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize