im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
