im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
