mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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