He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
