I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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