I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
