she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There are leaves in my underwear?
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