before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
