so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
