Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
did i walk over a car last night?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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