i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
