after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
