Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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