something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
