matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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