Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
