dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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