He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
