when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
