I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
