no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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