i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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