yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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