You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
