this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
