we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
