:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
