Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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