I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
