You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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