His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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