I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
