The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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