Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
