Duck Duck Cougar?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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