At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
