How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize