just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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