Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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