I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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