Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
