We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
